Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
