She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
