I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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