summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
