it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
