Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
