in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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