WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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