I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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