A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
