dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
