Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
