are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
