I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
