if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
