yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
