I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
