Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
