I think i sorta joined a cult last night
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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