She's JV to your varsity
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Let's paint friendship bongs
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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