Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
