I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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