it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize