Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
