I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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