Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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