i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My penis needs a shock collar
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
