So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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