i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
