I can tuck mytits in my pants
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
