On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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