My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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