It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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