yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
