The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize