There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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