I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Randomize
