yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
