I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
