Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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