i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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