actually, I'm a sock model
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
