Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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