Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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