oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
