maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
