when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
