Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Blood and glitter go together right?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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