ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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