you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
