you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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