normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
