i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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