I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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