I think I died a long time ago.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
