Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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