My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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