I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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