dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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