Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize