I can tuck mytits in my pants
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize