I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
how drunk are you?
Several
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
