I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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