I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
