his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
