a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize