is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
