OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
