Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize