we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
